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Saturday, July 5, 2008 // 4:41 AM

I hate doing this but enough is enough

so

Did you ever think of others before you said all that? Have you ever thought what other people are going through at this period of time? you may not know because they do not tell you. and you could say its their fault for not telling you but arent you equally secretive? Did you think your actions affected others in the way you always thought it will?

if you did, well done. but thanks for not doing anything either.

You think people like us are so free? that we're not struggling with all our might?

Did it ever occur to you that we have problems of our own but we keep it to ourselves? Have you ever tasted the despair of people who feel that their futures are going down? well,let me show you.

You're all alone in your heart because your friends are unlike those in secondary school. The subjects are a whole lot harder because its totally different from what you anticipate it to be from secondary school. You wonder why you grow more tired each day because all you do is sit down in school and not exercise. You try to push yourself up time and time again but all to no avail. the more you push yourself,the more you despair. And everyday you try to find solace in places where you have found before but then again...even that has changed. Every morning you walk with a despairing feeling to your destination because you dont like it at all. you cant even be yourself. and when you think you've found your answer, you suddenly realise you havent. and then, the inner conflict begins and no one can help you because they dont understand you either.

I know how that feels. because I've been there, done that. TP law 2007.

THAT IS HOW OTHER PEOPLE ARE GOING AT THE MOMENT. If you think you understand, you're wrong because it all makes sense to you in your own ways. You've never tasted the TRUE meaning of despair. and if YOU think im not doing anything to help, let me tell you WHY.

1)schedule. you've seen what I have to do for school work. its all in my previous post. Our leadership group is nonsense. Im the only one who goes for our lectures and have a tinker's toot of what to do. Im lucky I got Soe Win for PSPS, zul aisyah and Is for Qmethod, jack for PECON and world cafe, and bernard for comp prog.

Ive been put overall in charge of speech day parade and nco course. BACK TO BACK. previously before that I was overall in charge of the store logistics to the new room and overall in charge of the drill competition and away at CHOA CHU KANG HQ FOR ANNUAL PARADE FROM JAN TO APRIL EVERY FRIDAY AND WEDNESDAY. YOU TRY AH. FROM TP YOU RUSH TO OLD CHOA CHU KANG ROAD AFTER SCHOOL WITH ONLY ONE HOUR TO TRAVEL, CHANGE AND REPORT IN FULL UNIFORM. you stand in the hot sun teaching 40 people,carrying heavy logistics and coordinating another 200 people. Debriefing afterwards is for almost 2 hours long with all the senior officers and our commandant. and when you reach home, its almost 1130. But you cant rest much either because of another training the next day. you say skip tmr's training? I say you're fucking dishonorable just like everyone else. if you dont come down,there's no one else and who's to train them? OC unit ah? its the same thing all over again. I rant all the time because I'm singlehandedly doing things and all I ask is either you help me or keep your beak shut and stand aside if you dont want to help. drill comm also hardly anyone else came down regularly. now speech day i have to coordinate 5 CCAs alone altogether.and to think im placed as the parade commander. DONT GET ME WRONG. I VOLUNTEERED FOR THIS AND I LOVE WHAT IM DOING. but there are times im put in charge of things and I have to accept whether its reluctantly or willingly because no one will. MOST IMPORTANTLY, its for the people NOT ME so I have to do my best. THAT is the FACTOR that has always influenced my decisions.

2) Im equally fucked up. trust me. Nightmares are one thing but when they occur in real life exactly as it was in your sleep....well, lets just say you better do something. you can say its just a dream. But what if I told you the contents and you were in it? besides, this isnt the 1st time my dreams have become real. trust me when i say, i am doing something about it.

So if you think im playing a fool or trying to be funny, let me tell you I dont have to time to waste on this sort of guano.

If you think im being selfish, you've never been more wrong in your entire life. There's not a day that goes by where I've tried to help someone in my life. its just a matter of whether im able to help, listen or do something about it.

Seen enough? then welcome to a side of me you never thought you'd see

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye