2.56am. sleeping. urgent call. best news of my life so far. finally a little less burden now. Thank God!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Nobody asked for this.
I didnt ask for this.

but we just got to make the best out of it.
yesterday was a disaster.

For the first time in my life, I was asked to carry out something I have never done before. Below is an excerpt of a conversation between me and a certain someone (denoted as A) that will interest you.

Me: "I still dont know why they asked me. It's not as if I'm the best person for this job"
A: "Who else is going to do it?"
Me: "You know very well that I'm doing this because I didnt have a choice. I could just blindly not bother about doing this and let this whole thing burn up in flames"
A: "ahh..guilty conscience later on eh? but then what about the others who just left it like that?"
Me: "you tell me. I still have no idea why I stayed behind then"
A: "just drop it lah. its a complete waste of time"
Me:" Funny. That's what I used to say to myself when I stuck with them"

Moving on to later parts of the convo.

A:" Nobody knew this was going to happen. It's just something anyone would do on a sinking ship."
Me: "who would?"
A:"The point is why do you bother?"
Me: "To answer that question, I was hoping you could tell me. Nobody's going to believe us, you know that as much as I do. But it doesnt matter if we're the black sheep of the flock. What matters is that I'm still going to keep fighting but I cant do this shit alone. Will you help me out here? "
A: "At your disposal sir!"
Me: "HAHA! power lah. But I need you to be clear on what we're doing here. It's a real slog every step of the way and it's going to take a lot of your time. I'll be straight with you now, Whats the price you're willing to pay?"
A: "whatever it takes."

I wont say what I've been trying to do but all I know its a huge sacrifice. I knew the price that I had to pay.
I could have gone out with asses yesterday.
I have to forgo my entire business plan. possibly even scrap it.
I did very badly for ALL my tests and projects.
And there have been more than one trainings where there were no CIs around.
It's going to take up my time more than ever now.
Hopefully it wont eat into my powerboat course as well.

When all this is over, when its all said and done.. what will be the aftermath and where will I end up?
God, just one day changed the course of my entire life.
But I swear the day after tomorrow will be mine.

The question is when.
I sure hope the toll is one that I can bear with

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Exhausted. more than I have ever been in my life.
but just keep going.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

A moment of nostalgia.
I've always been amazed at how nostalgia gets a person's head up.
Back in sec school days, most of my friends often misunderstood moments of nostalgia as being EMO.

Ronald, one of the old bird CIs just added me on FB and I found this photo that reminded me of how it was back then.
Let me say that I wont regret of how things have become but rather the determination and fire-to make things right once more- is rekindled.

So a word of encouragement to anyone here. If you ever find yourself lost or depressed over something, go take a look at something that reminds you of a better person or better times.

This was the start of 2007. Dunman's speech day 2007 before the renovation.When Doreen was called SIR, and Royce still had hair. haha



POWERBOAT COURSE IN JULY.
I've heard about how hard it is.
People tell me I should go for something cheaper and better.
But this is what I really want.
I guess I'm fortunate to be going under RSYC whose gonna focus much more on the theory part since its the part that most people often fail.

But like I mentioned in earlier posts. Where people have failed, there are others who have prevailed.

I'm on a real frenzy to get that license more than ever now.

A BOAT IS A MAN'S SECOND WIFE.
Well, at least MY 2nd wife lah. haha. sorry siti!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

This is how Christina Tan, my entrepreneurship group mate spelled my name.

F-R-A-D-R-I-U-S

What on earth is a FRADRIUS?! sounds like some viking name!
and to think she has my name spelled out correctly in her handphone contact book!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Go, traveller, seek out that oasis in God's desert.
Find there biblical scenes where flocks of sacred white goats
Seek shelter and shade behind the dome of the desert mosque
Here, the bones of martyrs lie near gravel cliffs
Weathered open by reluctant desert rains
To reveal geodes that cascade a thousand wondrous lights.

Go, therefore, in your iron vehicle of war and rest there awhile,
But go in peace,
For this oasis belongs to all mankind
And is a million miles from anger,passion or conflict.

By B.M. Niven

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

I just had to share this with all of you. haha.
Hopefully it'll cheer you up on a bad day as it did for me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjE0Kdfos4Y&feature=rec-HM-r2

I have no idea to tell whether the part about the bird making woodcutter sounds are real or fake.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Look at me.
Tell me straight to my face that you did your best,
that the same purpose was kept in your mind as I did in mine
that you did it for those around us
that you fought tooth and claw just to get through
and you never stopped fighting or gave up.

Would you have the courage or integrity to even say anything of the like?
How disgusting an individual may get just to not even make an effort to understand.

I've had tremendous patience for the past year. but I have none now.

--------------
Enough angst for one day.

at least i got something done right.
FISHING GODS OUTING SOON! WOOHOO!

btw, I want a parrot before I leave this world.

A RED PARAKEET OR THE BLUE AND YELLOW ONE!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Give me someone I can look up to.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

By B.M Niven

Go as a pilgrim and seek out danger
Far from comfort and the well-lit avenues of life
Pit your very soul against the unknown
And seek stimulation in the company of the brave
Experience cold and hunger,heat and thirst

And survive to see another challenge and another dawn
Only then will you be at peace with yourself
And be able to say:
"I looked down on the farthest side of the mountain
And, fulfilled and understanding all, am truly content
That I lived a full life
And one that was of my own choice"

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Into the hands of fate we render ourselves
Should we lose direction, focus or faith
Like ragdolls and marionettes of the human race

Like the sweeping winds
That bear us where they may
To craggy peaks we rejoice,
Despaired as we enter the whirling hurricane

Fortunate we face the smooth plane of earth
Dismayed as it elevates, the white flag beckons as we halt
Powerless as it slopes down, to a bottomless abyss

Into the hands of fate we render ourselves
Should we lose direction, focus or faith
when the only fate there is,

is of that moulded by thyself.

I just felt like writing that out in middle of the night. 430am to be precise. Been ages since I did that.

With each passing day, there's less and less self-belief or faith I see in people. Are we really so overcome?
Somehow, everytime this comes across, I'm reminded of my primary school days when I was a scout.
Of the very few lines in the scout creed, I only remember the last.

"Courage in all difficulties"

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

So its either China, Myanmar or Vietnam.

Most likely not China since the company requires two people only. What a waste. Since they wanted students to do ISO which is what I wanted. Oh well, id have to learn mandarin anyway.

The best thing is either way. im leaving on end of october instead and returning before January. TWO MONTHS ONLY! haha. but at least it'll be in time for the next NPAP i guess.

The thing is about Myanmar, I'd have to TEACH the kids. and being around kids is something I'm pretty much uncomfortable with!

but i guess the same thing goes for vietnam eh?
Like it or not, I guess kids are gonna be part of my life one way or another someday. heh
Mind-boggling how God probably entwines my fate with kids rather than adults.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

I asked for determination.
Now I ask for patience.

Is it just me or is everyone around me getting tired as well?

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

should never have eaten that pizza from PIZZAHUT!

one slice....and now im sick.
I really feel like puking my guts out.

TOO MUCH CHEESE.
save me!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

I have asked for the long forgotten determination.

By a so called oath i took, this change will take place.
Because that is what needs to happen.

I understand its for the good of many others. especially to those whom I unknowingly serve.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

A little time off away from work.

I've always managed to put my feelings into words. but not this time. I've spent over an hour trying to put this post into proper context.

All I can say is this
I'm truly grateful to all. I wish I could say your names here but it wouldn't do justice.
Words cant express the gratitude I feel.
Though they're just words,
it makes a big difference to me

Thank you so much.
You're all wonderful lah.
I love you

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Call this holidays?

I'm so busy that I dont have time to spend on anything else already

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

WOOHOO!!
I just found Nata today!
She's one of the receptionists who worked at mandarin oriental with me a long time ago.
It was great to see her again!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

This is ridiculous.
I'm editting photos for DRC.

We could be doing something else other than DRC sia.
But I guess Robbie Williams was right huh?


You gotta get high before you taste the lows!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Back from Area 12 atc.. what a weekend. dead tired but it was great as usual. Going to ubin is never boring.
The shit thing is that even in ubin, have to cover up for so many people back at mainland..with all sorts of non-sense.
Now we got an ENCRYPTION? nice.

So anyway, I had the opportunity to experience the life there with area 12 CIs.
Now I know why Syafiq is labelled as irritating. hahaha.

Andy and I met up with SI Henry Toh and talked bout the courses. something to look forward to rather the DRC!

Anyway, now that's over and done with, back to holidays!
The seas are calling me ladies and gentlemen!

Mom wants me to go take up sailing. Regu asked me to join diving and im taking up powerboating.
The sea is now officially my SECOND HOME

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

Kids.Children. or little brats as I AFFECTIONATELY call em.
Why is it they have this unfailing ability to ask things out of the blue? you might tell me its because of their innocence.


Now you'll be asking me, what's the problem here?
Well, more than once, I've come across the juncture of telling them uncomfortable truths or facts that is supposedly the responsibility of a PARENT. They ask me questions I shouldnt be answering. Worse still, they seem so sincerely interested in what I have to say.
Honestly, i'm not used to having people hanging on to me for every word. The feeling is unnerving.

It's unnerving because I feel like A PARENT when I'm around them. They'd scream,shout or run in circles like crazy rats and then end up exhausting themselves (hehe)..and then before I know it, I'm already acting like a parent..telling them to do this and that. Mind you, this happens to kids I dont even know..the parent even thanks me but I'd really wish they didnt.

Someone give me kid management lessons. Just make sure you dont turn me into a psycho after that.

---------

I found my brother's blog and my sister found mine! haha.
Now here's a quote from his blog that I'd like to share with all of you. It truly explains how I feel about most people these days.

SLUG ALONG.

At about 1am this morning, as I doing prowling at work, I saw a poor little lost slug on the 2nd floor inching along. My first instinct was to pick it up and put it back onto grass patch. Then I remembered the harshness of mother nature... what with spiders, army ants, birds. So I figured the slug was safer on that dusty landing and watched it for a bit as it made it's way to a small puddle of water.

Just like so many humans.... lost in the concrete jungle. Without cause, without direction.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

I got hit with static electricity 10 times on my way to Tanjong Rhu. It may seem a little shocking at first but trust me, the shock was VERY different on that day.
Think I'm going bionic.haha.

Anyway, apart from a blood-boiling evening, IN WHICH THE BARBER SCREWED UP MY HAIR CUT!...*siti suria and syafiq are gonna laugh at me tmr*

I got a HUGE project on the way. Not school-related of course.

The prospect of creating and completing it is enough to make my whole body tense up! you can only imagine the implications of such a mind-boggling project.

heh. All I've been thinking of doing is nonsense! hahaha.
BUT as compared to my previous bullshit projects, this is one is for real. The key idea is remembering the phrase

"Necessity is the mother of all invention"

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

I've never thought that someone with such agility or strength similar to that of the Black Panther would exist.

Today's duel proved me wrong. heh.
but then again, he's already an adult and a COMMANDO at that!
Nonetheless, he was so fast I didnt even have time to react.

I was TOTALLY OUT-MANEUVERED! something that has rarely happened even in soccer.

Time to get back to work.
Swimming in the SEA later!
I LOVE ARDUOUS TRAINING! WOOHOO!

--------------

Nobody likes this shit but then again, who does?
you just have to keep fighting
but dont forget why we're here.
We didnt have a choice.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I JUST COMPLETED MAKING A FISHING HOOK!
NO HELP OF A GUIDE OR ANYONE!

HIP HIP HOORAY!
and what a beauty it is!

I wasted at least half a metre of leader line and two hooks just to get it correct.
But perseverance always pays off. Plus a little help of Robbie Williams singing the all time-favourite song of Let Me Entertain You!...what would normally end up as a moody Firdaus of the night turned otherwise. haha!

TANJONG RHU GROUPERS! BEWARE OF MY INDOMITABLE PRESENCE TOMORROW! HAHAA!!

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

A letter came this afternoon. Something I thought would never come.

We've got a long way to go. time for more trainings and dieting again.
I wonder what obligations this will have in the future.

I wouldnt want to miss out on anything. haha.
Army life...here I come.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye

If we were all the kings and queens
I'd probably be your only servant in this world

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To the people who made all of this possible..CHEERS!

Here, you'll see a side of me never known before

Current read: The divine intervention




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