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Thursday, August 6, 2009 // 3:17 AM

Here's something I forgot to blog about earlier.

Often feelings of discontent with another individual arise when seeing them at peace with something else. heh. I've got that all too often from almost all my friends.
Now dont get me wrong, this is not a justification of my past or current actions. This is simply just a perspective.

More often misunderstood is the fact that time alone for an individual means serenity and fortification of his/her personality,nerves, mindset and feelings. In sec school, there's always tons of people around. Its a much smaller world in there literally and thus the company you keep is more or less constant with a few tweaks here and there. But being around with so many people in a fixed world, how much time do you really have for yourself? We find comfort,strength, security and motivation when we mix with people. Group dynamics of course. But for the individual? What if the group has the negative effect on him/her?

I knew I was hardly giving time for myself in sec school. Always mixing around here and there but so little time for myself. So little time to stop, ponder and move out again. That, in my opinion, results in split personality or some disorder.

In poly, I found myself at a loss. People were different. Suddenly the whole world became topsy turvy! It was time for drastic change and to balance that effect, it took a lot more time to think and analyze without having PROJECTS breathing down your neck! Personality starts to take a different turn and is soon carved out. I was more than elated. I felt like I had reached Nirvana but it needed alot of sacrifice.

Everytime I go to school, I'd take note of individuals walking on the concourse and wonder how many are actually going to meet their friends (something I hear a zillion times everyday) and how many are going about their daily life ALONE and getting on top form everyday?
As for me, the right company gets me going and for the others, just the opposite.

To sum it all up, I'd seem to be spending more time alone but thats not emo-ing. Far from it my friends. Compare my current self now and back then. I'm a stronger person now than I used to be (but physically, ITS THE OPPOSITE! #$!%@) and it has to stay this way.

I foresee a moment in the future where the time I spent alone will make all the difference in this world. I sincerely hope that you readers will find your inner self/spirit like I have or that blank peacefulness within when you need it most.

On a crazy note..I've started to use basic mathematics for dunman's fancy drill formations! NPAP sure made me a different person as well.

I'll be back when you call me; no need to say goodbye